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ust got back home from the penultimate Suluk session. It was very difficult to sit there attempting to absorb more teachings when I want to be practically assimilating some of what we've covered. Everything about winter on the East Coast weighed down upon me - immobility and a caustic cocktail of mud, snow, ice, and rain sapped my energy even over the few short days.

And then I'm home and it's hot outside and the flowers are bustin' out all over the backyard, and M. has hidden little presents all over the house and my white white legs saw sunlight for what felt like the first time in years. California really is a fantastical paradise sometimes, a garden underneath which rivers flow....

I had a very hefty dream the first night I was at Suluk though, with birthing my own legs and dreams within dreams and ashes and shrines to multiple Shiite heroes. I'd like to get a sheikh to interpret it but I don't really know any I can ask.

And also a small inspiration for something new to start doing here. I don't want to say too much about it because many times these inspirations on retreat don't bear fruit, but hopefully there will be more to come later.

Posted by Satya at 6:15 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

or the past couple weeks I've had the 'D' word hanging over my head, as in deadline. Several deadlines, in fact. Part of me thrives on this much work because I really like to hunker down and focus, and procrastination is completely out of the question. But it's very hard to keep a balance of activity and repose, as Murshid recommends. His own schedule was pretty amazing. He would rise early, and his whole day was a balance of meditation, intense work, and rest periods that he would usually spend playing with his children. It sounds great but in practice it takes a lot of concentration to be able to switch gears.

Mostly it's hard to truly relax when I'm all wound up from working. I take the dog out in the afternoons and the fresh air is like a revelation. Dreams at night have been anxiety-ridden - my anxiety dream standby is that I have to go back to finish high school or college, neither of which I finished in real life, and take the SAT, which I also skipped out on. My diet is a nightmare of caffeine, carbohydrates, and sugar, occasionally lubricated with alcohol. So obviously I have a lot yet to master in terms of balance, but still, the satisfaction of accomplishing so much gives a secretly sweet taste of success.

Posted by Satya at 9:36 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

ast night I had a classic dream: I was attending a wedding and was sitting with a fellow guest when I felt myself crunch down on something unpleasant, like glass (though it didn't cut me). From that point on I kept spitting out pieces of metal and slivers of tooth. At one point I spit into a basket, and all manner of things came out, like soda can tabs and teeth and other bits of metal all mixed together. Finally I found a dentist who was also a guest and showed him the damage, and I could feel whole sections of my mouth where teeth were missing or broken off.

The traditional interpretations are concern with appearance, feeling unheard, or even a need to employ caution with words. All three have some relevance, but I don't like to interpret my dreams too literally. Instead I'll just file this one away, like a piece of code I think might be useful later, but isn't important to dissect just now.

Posted by Satya at 9:04 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)