et's be real here. I'm afraid of failing at my business, or even messing up on a day-to-day basis for that matter. I'm afraid of losing my best friend to a completely hypothetical situation. And I'm afraid that M. will slowly and gradually lose interest in me and never say a word about it until it's entirely too late to fix.

Those are the top three at the moment, and I don't know how acknowledging them will help except merely to get them off my chest. Sometimes I feel like a baby being set down in the crib, involuntarily splaying arms and legs as I feel the support going out from under me. And God is great but can be awfully quiet sometimes.

I'm sharing this to be perfectly clear that just because I meditate, or try to, and because I believe in God does not in any way exalt my lowly station in life. I feel this is a common misperception in my spiritual community, and in others as well I'm sure. Suluk is coming up again at the end of the month and I guess sometimes I dread looking at all the carefully composed facial portraits of stillness and wondering why I'm the only one with my eyes open.