ext week I go back to Suluk for the first session of my final year. I was thinking about my last session there over the summer and remembered this one afternoon toward the end of the ten days. I was in the middle of a horrendous three-day silent retreat and took a walk down to the pond to blow off some steam. It was late in the day and the sun was out, but there was a slight chill in the air. As I passed by the "naked end" of the pond (the other end is for those who try to remain decent) I heard a giant splash, and through the trees glimpsed a naked woman swimming around making a lot of "this is really really cold" sounds. There was also a giant fish or turtle or something splashing around in there with her.

I had such an urge to just tear my clothes off and run down into the water, but although I do brave things sometimes, I'm really a scaredy-cat at heart. I'm afraid of little fish nipping at my toes, and of the unknown dark depth, not to mention giant snapping turtles. I also do not like to be cold.

So I continued on, though the impulse was so strong I stopped several times and turned back. But there were people on the path behind me, and the dinner bell was ringing....

The regret I felt afterward, moping over my spelt lasagna, was so strong I resolved then and there that if the urge ever struck, no matter how inconvenient, I would forever more go in the water. But I hope it doesn't come this time. It can get pretty cold there in autumn.