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esterday we got the keys and ran around getting furniture we need, and then we spent our first night in the new house after camping out in the living room with a couple dim lamps and some ordered in Chinese food and a portable record player and some good LPs. Our bedroom has just a mattress on the floor for now, just like when I moved to San Francisco ten years ago, and it was a hot Indian summer then as well. New houses are so strange and empty, the previous residents not quite gone, the next residents not quite there. The fridge makes strange noises and the light is all different, like some kind of purgatory with an automatic ice maker.

And now I'm back in the city about to spend probably my last night here as a resident of this apartment. It's all sad and exciting all at once and Afsal's out tonight so that magnifies the effect. It's not hard to remember thinking I would never leave here, just not seeing what that next step would be. But it's here now and pulling me on. Probably in a matter of months the new house echo will be gone and I'll be blasé about the whole thing, no longer wondering where I keep the can opener. I'll still remember, though, what it's like to be new.

Posted by Satya at 10:30 PM | Permalink | Comments (3) | TrackBacks (0)

his has been one of the most momentous months of my entire life. First we bought not one, but two houses (long story - we're going with house number two), and last week I not only went to the first session of my final year of Suluk, but I got engaged. It was a spontaneous proposal after a gypsy carnival that involved a jukebox and one knee, and I said yes and two days later I was on a plane to New York, and I just got back and now I'm packing to move this weekend.

It's hard to know which thing to be the most excited about, but focusing on work is very difficult with a bevy of fun google research to do. And packing. Just wanted to throw this out there in case I don't have a chance to update for a week or two. I'll come back though, I promise.

Posted by Satya at 5:33 PM | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBacks (0)

ext week I go back to Suluk for the first session of my final year. I was thinking about my last session there over the summer and remembered this one afternoon toward the end of the ten days. I was in the middle of a horrendous three-day silent retreat and took a walk down to the pond to blow off some steam. It was late in the day and the sun was out, but there was a slight chill in the air. As I passed by the "naked end" of the pond (the other end is for those who try to remain decent) I heard a giant splash, and through the trees glimpsed a naked woman swimming around making a lot of "this is really really cold" sounds. There was also a giant fish or turtle or something splashing around in there with her.

I had such an urge to just tear my clothes off and run down into the water, but although I do brave things sometimes, I'm really a scaredy-cat at heart. I'm afraid of little fish nipping at my toes, and of the unknown dark depth, not to mention giant snapping turtles. I also do not like to be cold.

So I continued on, though the impulse was so strong I stopped several times and turned back. But there were people on the path behind me, and the dinner bell was ringing....

The regret I felt afterward, moping over my spelt lasagna, was so strong I resolved then and there that if the urge ever struck, no matter how inconvenient, I would forever more go in the water. But I hope it doesn't come this time. It can get pretty cold there in autumn.

Posted by Satya at 10:33 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

y business had a good month in August, which led me to ponder the acquisition of a very nicely made Italian leather handbag. At what point, if at all, can a woman who realizes the transitory nature of existence blow a large chunk of money on a buttery-soft tote? I checked in with M. on this, who again referred to his donkey and the gourd story. The story is really not for polite company, but the point in this situation is again that detachment from whatever satisfaction the thing in question provides is key.

Before I could get too far along in the shopping process, though, M. and I started scouting out furniture for our new house and I realized I was in a whole new territory of spending. My decision-making approach is very Hagakure -- concern yourself greatly with the small stuff, but barely at all with the large. (One is also advised to make every decision within the space of seven breaths.) So I stopped worrying about my wardrobe and instead parted with a far larger chunk in exchange for a hefty dining room table that I instantly knew was the one I would be serving on and eating off for decades to come. There, that was easy.

Posted by Satya at 2:42 PM | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBacks (0)