or the past couple weeks I've had the 'D' word hanging over my head, as in deadline. Several deadlines, in fact. Part of me thrives on this much work because I really like to hunker down and focus, and procrastination is completely out of the question. But it's very hard to keep a balance of activity and repose, as Murshid recommends. His own schedule was pretty amazing. He would rise early, and his whole day was a balance of meditation, intense work, and rest periods that he would usually spend playing with his children. It sounds great but in practice it takes a lot of concentration to be able to switch gears.

Mostly it's hard to truly relax when I'm all wound up from working. I take the dog out in the afternoons and the fresh air is like a revelation. Dreams at night have been anxiety-ridden - my anxiety dream standby is that I have to go back to finish high school or college, neither of which I finished in real life, and take the SAT, which I also skipped out on. My diet is a nightmare of caffeine, carbohydrates, and sugar, occasionally lubricated with alcohol. So obviously I have a lot yet to master in terms of balance, but still, the satisfaction of accomplishing so much gives a secretly sweet taste of success.