s Hazrat Inayat Khan says, there are five aspects of prayer, but the one that has attracted my attention the most lately is number three: telling God one's troubles, and asking God for what one wants and needs. It's tricky for me because when I focus on my inner power and potential, I feel more at one with God, more tapped into a giant resource of which I am a part. But when I ask an external God for help, it's an acknowledgement of limitation and separation. I suppose these two qualities have their benefits of humility and such, but it's hard for me to reconcile them sometimes with a deep intuitive sense of connectedness with God that I've had ever since I can remember.
I know that was a lot for one paragraph, but bear with me. The other problem is that I've always been an extremely independent person, reluctant to ask anyone for help. Are my humble needs worthy of God's attention? Or should I just ask God for everything? Because if that's the case, there's an adorable handbag down at Nordstrom that I've had my eye on for awhile. In other words, how do I know that what I ask for is really what I need?
There have been two occasions when what's best or meant to be or need have flown out the window, and I've thrown caution to the wind and asked, no, begged, or rather, insisted that God provide for me. And God did. So I also feel like I've somehow gotten in good with the big guy, and that I shouldn't abuse my privileges. Ultimately I compromise by tempering my requests with "...if it's meant to be" and by trying to accept what is. But maybe that's a cop-out.
There's something scary and magical about standing there as a limited, flawed human being and recognizing that we all need a little help sometimes. There's something scary about putting myself out there and asking for all things great and small. Because no one likes to be rejected. And because it puts faith into play when things don't go right that there is a reason behind it and it's not because you're not worthy (though of course with faith's cousin, doubt, that's always a possibility). It's much harder to ask God, be denied, and move on than to never fully ask in the first place. It's hard to put my needs in someone else's hands. But as Murshid says, who else deserves this trust but God?