oing on the premise that Sufism is all-consuming and one never has a moment that has no relationship with God, I have a conundrum from time to time when something feels particularly unholy. Even more so when that feeling is pleasurable.
For example: the desire to be desired. I'm twenty-eight and I don't like the idea of succumbing to a future of being shapeless and sexless. This was most apparent when we did an exercise last year trying on a number of different qualities, with "sexy" being one of them. As we discussed our experience in small groups, the word "sexy" rang out again and again through the room, as everyone honed in on it. Most of the people in Suluk are older than I am (there are a few of us under 35) and it seemed to the next generation up that "sexy" was quite a revelation.
I don't want it to be a revelation. Lord, I don't want to wear baggy elastic-waist pants. I want to send out a tiny waft of French perfume when someone leans in close. I want to look good coming and I want to look good going. And hey, a catcall once in awhile isn't necessarily unwelcome. Though for the record, I do have a boyfriend.
So how is this spiritual? I have no idea. Wanting to be desirable seems like the complete antithesis of training the ego to be so small and humble that eventually it dissolves into oneness with God. Where is the oneness in having a secret fantasy of strutting into the club like Madonna and busting a move with some shirtless young thang? (Maybe I should ask her - I hear she's into Kabbalah.) Sure, one can make weak attestments to the divine qualities of beauty, but is there a divine quality of hotness? If anyone has any ideas, I'm all ears.