everal years ago I kept an online journal on this site, from about 1996-2003. I took it down around the same time I began a four-year program of spiritual and esoteric study within my tradition, the Sufi Order International (more on this to come). The program was brand new and none of us knew how it might affect us, but in its subtle and not-so-subtle ways it has been a major force in the life of everyone who undertakes it. At the beginning of my experience with the program, called the Suluk Academy, I found myself being able to write less and less on my life, because I wanted to protect my new inner experiences that were beginning to touch almost everything I did.

As of this writing I have just completed my third year, and one of the themes for the fourth and final year of study is realization - how to integrate what we have learned into our daily lives, and how to be spiritually awake in real, gritty life: on the train, at work, in traffic, at the grocery store, etc. So it seems like good timing, and I was inspired during one of the last sessions to do this, and felt ready to write about my life again - specifically about what it's like to try to integrate spiritual practice into the world.

Naturally I still have nagging fears about exposure, but we all do, don't we? Especially about truths that are meaningful. I'd like to invite you to comment on my entries if you like - if you want to remain anonymous send them by email and I'll post them for you if you wish.